My Next Show: " A Woman of Pleasure"

God, this has been a long time coming.

This has been with me through the last 9 years as I watched my life fall apart, built it back up, and watched it fall apart again.

It takes a lot to do a solo show. A hell of a lot. It takes courage. Confidence. Humility. And Help. Lot's of help. From forces both seen and unseen.

I help people write and perform their solo shows. I help people heal by writing and performing monologues about pain and trauma and illness. I am good at it. Because I have been there. And back. Several times in this lifetime. And, I do not look away from it. Any of it. I examine life. Mistakes. Loss. Grief. Trauma.

And now, at last...PLEASURE.

It took a lot of work behind the scenes to move my focus from trauma, suffering, and pain to pleasure.
I deserve this show. I deserve this life. So do you. We all do. But it takes a lot to move in this direction with assurance in this world.

This is a show that has always lived inside of me. I am a sensual being. I have a body as well as a soul. Living in it. Feeling it. Inhabiting it is a tremendous gift.

For years I couldn't claim it. For years I was dissociated from it. No more.

This summer I am 48 years old. And my daughter is turning 15. I have lived through other people's mental illness, through death of loved ones, divorce and my own "fixing nature" that just wanted to love everybody enough to make the world ok.

Enough.

Life is short. Life is precious. Feeling our aliveness is where it's AT.

The next show is about pleasure. A last taboo. Is it really ok for us as woman to be in our bodies in a relaxed and easy way on this planet. To love our sexuality openly and fully. To let go of labels of ourselves and others.

To speak the unspeakable about what we like, what we desire, what we crave and HAVE IT, without apology.

I love Sex and I love God. In this crazy world that would separate the two, it it my intention to bring them back together, in my own body. In my own heart. In this precious, precious lifetime. I am fully human and fully Soul and I will not sacrifice one expression for the other.

20 some years ago, Eve Ensler spoke the unspeakable by asking woman about their vaginas. It was timely and important. It was also very focused on trauma, oppression and pain. That's a song and dance that many of us intimately know.

But there is something greater. Much greater. Moving past the trauma, moving into the full Venus power of our gorgeous and powerful beings. Truly loving ourselves. Each other and loving men, we hold the heart of pleasure in our very hands.

We are much, much greater than the old paradigm abuse/darkness would have us know.

Those stories have come and gone. And we still stand here in our wholeness and beauty.

This is the next wave on the planet and I am grateful to know that I am a part of bringing through this message. Through my own journey of being a woman. Through my stories.

This is my offering now. I am glad I waited 8 years and excited to bring you my new show. This October...

A Woman of Pleasure: A Monologue of Sex and God.

In Santa Fe...with love, Tanya

StoryHealing: Solo Performance as a Therapeutic Tool

From my upcoming book "StoryHealers" which is about utilizing solo performance as an instrument for emotional/ spiritual healing of trauma, life threatening illness and transitions.

I had written and performed three solo shows when I decided to offer  a workshop for woman who wanted to write and perform 10 minute mini-solo shows. From there I began to develop curriculum to offer to people living with cancer, both patients, and their family members. After the Cancer Monologues I realized that this process was actually Universal. Every person has a story. No one escapes the experience of humanity which brings with it pain, loss, grief as well as opportunities to meet the challenges and overcome the obstacles. In this human movement of being presented with a challenge and meeting it fully, we come to be more and more comfortable with the process of living. We learn to embrace the present moment more fully, slow down and savor the moments of our life and trust that all will be well, no matter what obstacle we are facing either internally or externally. We come to know that there is something bigger than any challenge we are faced with. That is the human spirit. We move from the human obstacle into an awareness of the larger playground of Soul. When we claim the gifts held in the realm of Soul we are able to re-frame our experience as a necessary movement away from the temporal to the unmoving, unchanging domain of the eternal. Our stories have deep meaning as we examine them and share them through this lens. This is where we are able to see ourselves and the pain and gifts from our lives as compost to claim ourselves as Hero’s headed home “trailing clouds of glory from which we came”. The process, as a Universal one has been used effectively with people living with cancer, Hospice caregivers, The HIV and AIDS community, veterans suffering from PTSD, Palestinian and Israel communities of teen-agers who live in fear and have experienced varying degrees of trauma, people experiencing divorce, new mothers sharing their birth stories, mothers who experienced the death of a child, people who have been adopted, members of the National Alliance of Mental Illness…both those suffering mental illness and family members, sexual abuse survivors. The only necessary component  for the process to work is for the participants stay through the entire experience and work with-in the structure. There are important reasons for the structure and the way it is laid out from start to finish. There are tools for the facilitators to utilize for participants experiencing resistance. We will get into these later because resistance will arise for some people as they write about their often painful or traumatic experiences. It is actually very important that they be led through the entire process  with the necessary facilitator support once it is embarked upon. Otherwise, it has the potential to do harm which must be avoided at all cost. If the deeper issues get activated in the writing without the experience of re-framing that happens when one shares the monologue onstage, it can be psychologically damaging. The facilitator needs to have strong boundaries and inner strength to guide people through even when their resistance or even anger arises and gets projected onto the facilitator.

A Solo Show as the Foundation of Your Career

It was long ago now, but I remember feeling powerless and helpless in my career. In the late eighties and early nineties, I was living in NYC doing the usual rounds that a theater major does when they are set forth into the world armed only with Stanislavsky method and big creative dreams.

I bought books at the Drama Bookstore, got head-shots and an agent and went on cattle calls and auditions.  I had jobs in retail and was a bartender and waitress. Instead of feeling more and more creative and having more and more opportunities open for me, I became more and more disillusioned, depressed and plain sad.

Was my family right? Should I give up on my dreams? Should I go to law school?

Instead of feeling embraced in a warm creative environment, I began to live the cliche of a struggling "actor"

After a terrible few years in my life, I moved to New Mexico at the age of 26. I got an agent in Albuquerque. It was the same story played out on a smaller scale. I could not stand the idiotic commercials I was reading for. I was cast in some plays in Santa Fe and while I was grateful to be doing them, I was making no money and was un-inspired by most of the roles that seemed irrelevant to my life.

And then, finally, I was up for a lead role in an original play that I loved. Written by a woman from Taos and directed by a fellow actor and friend of mine, I was stoked for the role. It was something that I could sink my teeth into. I went to two callbacks and it came down to one other woman and me. Franky, I thought that I ran circles around her in the auditions and that I was  a shoe in. And then I got the call. I didn't get the part.

This is a common experience for an actor. Something many of us go through over and over. The "Waiting Game" Waiting to be cast. Waiting to get "the call". Dealing with rejection over and over. Knowing that we are creative and brilliant and waiting to offer the world our gifts.

Something broke in me when that happened. I was 29 years old and my former husband said to me "Tanya, when are you going to write and perform your own show?"

The question hung in the air. Throughout this time I had been writing daily. Finding my voice I guess. And speaking about how, since i was nineteen years old and had seen my first one person show, this had been my dream.

Once I did my solo show, I never again felt disempowered in terms of theater or career. In the eighteen years since that decision and action, I have performed, written, directed and produced too many shows to count (well over one hundred) This form gave me my career.

I've seen the same thing happening with so many of my students. I work with many people who have transitioned from out of work actors to working actors by doing their solo shows. Some, like me, have also become creativity coaches, teachers etc.

A huge energy shift happens when one does their solo show. One takes up so much creative space that opportunity has the chance to find us. We are no longer playing the "Waiting Game" We are taking positive action, taking charge of our creative lives and producing our creative in the world. This month alone, I have clients taking their shows to theater and festivals in NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, San Diego, Toronto, Vancouver and Philadelphia.

One is starting his own StoryHealers business, like my own, in Boulder. Another client who performed her show with me last year is now premiering a corporate show as an integral part of her business.

Two woman I've worked with, one in Santa Fe and one in Boston,are presenting their spiritual shows to audiences in new thought churches/spiritual communities across the globe.

Their are so many ways to take our creative power back. A solo show is one amazing place to begin. And just doing this level of courageous and powerful work opens many, many doors that cannot be seen until after one jumps in and takes the plunge.

Just jump. The net will appear!

Let's Not Make a Deal...Invest in yourself as an artist

People often call me and say, "I want to take your Solo Performance Bootcamp" but.... (here it comes) "I can't afford it."

In the past my response has often been "Well, we can work something out" or "I'll give you a discount, payment plan etc."

At the time I worked in this way, I thought that I was helping people. That I was giving artists the opportunity to work with me at a price they could afford. And that they would leverage my "deal" to take their career up a notch and take more ownership of themselves and their show.

In reality...not so much. People value what they pay for and this principal is no different when it comes to our art/creative process. I have noticed that the people who really take themselves and their shows seriously are willing to invest in it financially as well as emotionally and creatively.

The people who have paid me a fair chunk of money are committed. And so am I. There is a subtle difference that I notice happens for me if someone has "talked me down" It's all about energy. And, if you want my full energy, expertise as well as valuable advice and connections, from now on you will have to pay fully for it.

The people who invest in their Solo Performance Bootcamps want to get their money's worth. They have paid me, come to Santa Fe and want to see a return on their investment. They are the ones who are taking their shows on the road, getting runs at festivals, professional theaters and getting PAID runs at conferences.

So, please do not try to play "Let's Make a Deal" with me. Because I want you to succeed and I want to succeed. I want you to take yourself as a performer/speaker seriously. Invest if you want to. If you are inspired to. Your heart will guide you if this path is yours.


I can honestly tell you that I have never had one person tell me "I'm sorry I did this" Quite the opposite. The experience is ALWAYS one of power, love, adventure and on some profound level, claiming oneself.

It is a life-changing event.

And life changing events do not come at Filene's Basement's prices.

Onwards....

“The Soul’s Journey Monologue Experience”….A New Offering

“The Soul’s Journey Monologue Experience”….A New Offering

On April 27 and 28, at Unity Santa Fe, I am directing and co-presenting the lovely and inspired Sandy Alemian in her one- woman show “What Was God Thinking?”

Sandy is the author of a book by the same name, and late last year, she flew out to Santa Fe from Boston to work with me to adapt some of the stories from her book into a one -woman show. Sandy’s show and book are about her journey  when her precious baby daughter Talia died at  a month old and how the subsequent grief and pain opened Sandy up spiritually to become a channel and medium.

Sandy is one of many people I have worked with who utilize the solo performance vehicle as a way to share their spiritual journey with others. It is a perfect format, and while different from the professional actor who comes to create a character piece, if done well it can be equally potent and powerful.

My own first show, “Honeymoon in India” really combined my two greatest passions, solo performance and my own journey toward spiritual awakening.

The key is to do this work in an authentic, embodied and creative way. There is so much we can do to really bring a story alive, whether bringing in various characters from our journey or bringing in music, humor and irony. Even one's own most intimate journey must be shaped to serve an audience.

After working with five clients in the last two years who have written and performed their full-  length shows about their spiritual jouney’s I have decided to offer this as an additional option to my Solo Performance Bootcamp. These shows have been performed at churches, at 12 step and spiritual conferences, as well as in conventional theaters. Many conferences  are now choosing the solo show experience as an option to more traditional key-note speakers. I think because it is a more creative and alive format and people are craving that. A great example of this type of spiritual awakening message was embodied by Jill Boldt Taylor who delivered part of her show “My Stroke of Insight” at a TED conference a few years back.

I deeply believe that now is a time when people need to hear messages of hope, love, transformation and connection to something greater than ourselves.

This experience will be an opportunity to deepen your own spiritual awakening, share the story with others and offer it in community. Whether it is a once in a lifetime experience or you are a speaker/life coach who wants to perform your show in various venues,you will benefit yourself and others deeply.

Ego vs. Soul: Why do a Solo Show?

This is a writing exercise I give my solo students: 

Write on the topic of “Why do I want to do a one person show?” 

Be willing to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. If your motives are primarily from the ego ( wanting applause, validation from the audience that you never got from your family, wanting for your victim story to be cooperated, needing approval or raging out in revenge for the injustices you’ve experienced in your life) now is the time to begin to work with these issues to transform them. If your motives are to serve the world through offering a story of heroism and transformation, you’re on the right track. If your motivation is to challenge yourself to go further than you’ve ever gone creatively and expressively, you’re on the right track. If your motive is to shed light for the audience and inspire them in their own growth of spirit; if your motive is to challenge denial and narcissism in our culture through specific experiences and wisdom gained, you’re on the right. As you can see, there are many ways to be on the right track. They all have one thing in conmen though. They are to reach beyond the needs of your individual self to serve a greater purpose. Basically, you want to do this to either glorify the human spirit and explore it’s journey in overcoming obstacles or you want to glorify your own ego’s needs. This may seem a paradox if you’re exploring a personal story from your life. It isn’t a paradox, though. However, it is walking the razor’s edge. Right from the start, you must be aware of the danger of indulgence in your story. Indulgence is an over attachment to your own suffering. Indulgance is the attachment to your own heroism. The key to a great show is the willingness to be honest and true simply and  with transparency. The opposite extreme is under exposure. That kind of show will be dry and empty because the individual doesn’t expose him or herself enough and there is an emptiness to the piece. However, there is a glorious place in the middle where vulnerability meets discernment and art is created. True art always moves beyond the individual artist’s needs and makes an offering of some way to others. It does not matter if others “like it” or not. What is important is the digging down into your own soul for something true, the presenting it in a way that is specific and unique.  This is the place that you will be striving for within your work .If you’re not on the right track, you will begin to do Wisdom Writing in your journal on what you need to heal inside you to remove any obstacles that are standing in the way of you offering an honest, authentic, compelling story that includes a beginning middle and end that explores the transformational arc of your life or the life of another (whose character you are portraying.).

When you feel stuck...how do you find material?

This week, I had a meeting with a prospective client. He wants to work with me and do a solo show, but was concerned that there isn't anything interesting enough about his life for him to focus a show on.

Our own literal lives are only a jumping off place in a solo show. It is not just our own experiences that make a great show. As a matter of fact, people who are complete literalists have the most boring shows generally. It takes a marriage of our inner experiences  along with the outer ones while adding our own unique point of view and imagination to make a tasty stew. To make something theatrical, we need to be willing to surrender, deeply to the different aspects of our Soul and allow for the story that really wants to reveal itself to arise.

Even the late "Spalding Gray", who was a master of spinning his own life into interesting tales and is known for his autobiographical work was a storyteller at heart. In other words, he started with his life but embellished. Maybe he added some characters and changed the sequence of events and "put himself on steroids" as solo performer Tracey Erin Smith says. Which means, it is still you, but a bigger, more exaggerated version of you. Or who actually does things that you only think about in "real life".

There is a difference between emotional truth and literal truth. If, as solo artists we move toward the choice for emotional truth, the audience will take the journey along with us no matter if the story actually happened, partially happened or did not happen except in our own imaginations.

How do we explore these different ways of opening up to our own material?

1. Go back to your childhood. Write about what you really loved. For me, I remember loving being in nature, my dolls and writing poems.

How are these aspects of yourself feeding your life and creativity now? Open to exploring that energy in the present. It may hold a key to some creative openings within yourself before your life had more layers of conditioning and expectations added to it.

2. Write about an event that changed your life forever with a beginning, middle and end.

3. Think about the archetypes that live within you or that you have experienced at different times in your life. Martyr, Caregiver, Heroine, Addict, Seducer...etc. Give one of these aspects a name, for example " Marlene the Martyr" and let her speak from her Point of View....For years I have called this exercise "The Voices in My Head" and it is a great way to jumpstart your material.

4. Interview a person and ask them about the most important thing that ever happened in their life. Or a day or person that changed them. Turn this story into a character based on the interview. It is not about doing an imitation, rather it is about using someone else's story as a jumping off point for you.

5. Walk, eat good food, drink water and set aside time for your creative musings no matter what. You need this even more when you are feeling blocked than when you are flowing.

No matter what, don't ever give up on yourself or your gifts. Even if they are blocked for the moment, be willing to dive deep, take time and also play around. You will be amazed at what arises as you give yourself the time and space to go back to exploring.

Love,
Tanya