I had written and performed three solo shows when I decided to
offer a workshop for woman who
wanted to write and perform 10 minute mini-solo shows. From there I began to
develop curriculum to offer to people living with cancer, both patients, and
their family members. After the Cancer Monologues I realized that this process
was actually Universal. Every person has a story. No one escapes the experience
of humanity which brings with it pain, loss, grief as well as opportunities to
meet the challenges and overcome the obstacles. In this human movement of being
presented with a challenge and meeting it fully, we come to be more and more
comfortable with the process of living. We learn to embrace the present moment
more fully, slow down and savor the moments of our life and trust that all will
be well, no matter what obstacle we are facing either internally or externally.
We come to know that there is something bigger than any challenge we are faced
with. That is the human spirit. We move from the human obstacle into an
awareness of the larger playground of Soul. When we claim the gifts held in the
realm of Soul we are able to re-frame our experience as a necessary movement
away from the temporal to the unmoving, unchanging domain of the eternal. Our
stories have deep meaning as we examine them and share them through this lens.
This is where we are able to see ourselves and the pain and gifts from our
lives as compost to claim ourselves as Hero’s headed home “trailing clouds of
glory from which we came”. The process, as a Universal one has been used
effectively with people living with cancer, Hospice caregivers, The HIV and
AIDS community, veterans suffering from PTSD, Palestinian and Israel
communities of teen-agers who live in fear and have experienced varying degrees
of trauma, people experiencing divorce, new mothers sharing their birth
stories, mothers who experienced the death of a child, people who have been
adopted, members of the National Alliance of Mental Illness…both those
suffering mental illness and family members, sexual abuse survivors. The only
necessary component for the
process to work is for the participants stay through the entire experience and
work with-in the structure. There are important reasons for the structure and
the way it is laid out from start to finish. There are tools for the
facilitators to utilize for participants experiencing resistance. We will get
into these later because resistance will arise for some people as they write
about their often painful or traumatic experiences. It is actually very
important that they be led through the entire process with the necessary facilitator support once it is embarked
upon. Otherwise, it has the potential to do harm which must be avoided at all
cost. If the deeper issues get
activated in the writing without the experience of re-framing that happens when
one shares the monologue onstage, it can be psychologically damaging. The
facilitator needs to have strong boundaries and inner strength to guide people
through even when their resistance or even anger arises and gets projected onto
the facilitator.
Monday, May 21, 2012
StoryHealing: Solo Performance as a Therapeutic Tool
From my upcoming book "StoryHealers" which is about utilizing solo performance as an instrument for emotional/ spiritual healing of trauma, life threatening illness and transitions.
Friday, May 11, 2012
A Solo Show as the Foundation of Your Career
It was long ago now, but I remember feeling powerless and helpless in my career. In the late eighties and early nineties, I was living in NYC doing the usual rounds that a theater major does when they are set forth into the world armed only with Stanislavsky method and big creative dreams.
I bought books at the Drama Bookstore, got head-shots and an agent and went on cattle calls and auditions. I had jobs in retail and was a bartender and waitress. Instead of feeling more and more creative and having more and more opportunities open for me, I became more and more disillusioned, depressed and plain sad.
Was my family right? Should I give up on my dreams? Should I go to law school?
Instead of feeling embraced in a warm creative environment, I began to live the cliche of a struggling "actor"
After a terrible few years in my life, I moved to New Mexico at the age of 26. I got an agent in Albuquerque. It was the same story played out on a smaller scale. I could not stand the idiotic commercials I was reading for. I was cast in some plays in Santa Fe and while I was grateful to be doing them, I was making no money and was un-inspired by most of the roles that seemed irrelevant to my life.
And then, finally, I was up for a lead role in an original play that I loved. Written by a woman from Taos and directed by a fellow actor and friend of mine, I was stoked for the role. It was something that I could sink my teeth into. I went to two callbacks and it came down to one other woman and me. Franky, I thought that I ran circles around her in the auditions and that I was a shoe in. And then I got the call. I didn't get the part.
This is a common experience for an actor. Something many of us go through over and over. The "Waiting Game" Waiting to be cast. Waiting to get "the call". Dealing with rejection over and over. Knowing that we are creative and brilliant and waiting to offer the world our gifts.
Something broke in me when that happened. I was 29 years old and my former husband said to me "Tanya, when are you going to write and perform your own show?"
The question hung in the air. Throughout this time I had been writing daily. Finding my voice I guess. And speaking about how, since i was nineteen years old and had seen my first one person show, this had been my dream.
Once I did my solo show, I never again felt disempowered in terms of theater or career. In the eighteen years since that decision and action, I have performed, written, directed and produced too many shows to count (well over one hundred) This form gave me my career.
I've seen the same thing happening with so many of my students. I work with many people who have transitioned from out of work actors to working actors by doing their solo shows. Some, like me, have also become creativity coaches, teachers etc.
A huge energy shift happens when one does their solo show. One takes up so much creative space that opportunity has the chance to find us. We are no longer playing the "Waiting Game" We are taking positive action, taking charge of our creative lives and producing our creative in the world. This month alone, I have clients taking their shows to theater and festivals in NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, San Diego, Toronto, Vancouver and Philadelphia.
One is starting his own StoryHealers business, like my own, in Boulder. Another client who performed her show with me last year is now premiering a corporate show as an integral part of her business.
Two woman I've worked with, one in Santa Fe and one in Boston,are presenting their spiritual shows to audiences in new thought churches/spiritual communities across the globe.
Their are so many ways to take our creative power back. A solo show is one amazing place to begin. And just doing this level of courageous and powerful work opens many, many doors that cannot be seen until after one jumps in and takes the plunge.
Just jump. The net will appear!
I bought books at the Drama Bookstore, got head-shots and an agent and went on cattle calls and auditions. I had jobs in retail and was a bartender and waitress. Instead of feeling more and more creative and having more and more opportunities open for me, I became more and more disillusioned, depressed and plain sad.
Was my family right? Should I give up on my dreams? Should I go to law school?
Instead of feeling embraced in a warm creative environment, I began to live the cliche of a struggling "actor"
After a terrible few years in my life, I moved to New Mexico at the age of 26. I got an agent in Albuquerque. It was the same story played out on a smaller scale. I could not stand the idiotic commercials I was reading for. I was cast in some plays in Santa Fe and while I was grateful to be doing them, I was making no money and was un-inspired by most of the roles that seemed irrelevant to my life.
And then, finally, I was up for a lead role in an original play that I loved. Written by a woman from Taos and directed by a fellow actor and friend of mine, I was stoked for the role. It was something that I could sink my teeth into. I went to two callbacks and it came down to one other woman and me. Franky, I thought that I ran circles around her in the auditions and that I was a shoe in. And then I got the call. I didn't get the part.
This is a common experience for an actor. Something many of us go through over and over. The "Waiting Game" Waiting to be cast. Waiting to get "the call". Dealing with rejection over and over. Knowing that we are creative and brilliant and waiting to offer the world our gifts.
Something broke in me when that happened. I was 29 years old and my former husband said to me "Tanya, when are you going to write and perform your own show?"
The question hung in the air. Throughout this time I had been writing daily. Finding my voice I guess. And speaking about how, since i was nineteen years old and had seen my first one person show, this had been my dream.
Once I did my solo show, I never again felt disempowered in terms of theater or career. In the eighteen years since that decision and action, I have performed, written, directed and produced too many shows to count (well over one hundred) This form gave me my career.
I've seen the same thing happening with so many of my students. I work with many people who have transitioned from out of work actors to working actors by doing their solo shows. Some, like me, have also become creativity coaches, teachers etc.
A huge energy shift happens when one does their solo show. One takes up so much creative space that opportunity has the chance to find us. We are no longer playing the "Waiting Game" We are taking positive action, taking charge of our creative lives and producing our creative in the world. This month alone, I have clients taking their shows to theater and festivals in NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, San Diego, Toronto, Vancouver and Philadelphia.
One is starting his own StoryHealers business, like my own, in Boulder. Another client who performed her show with me last year is now premiering a corporate show as an integral part of her business.
Two woman I've worked with, one in Santa Fe and one in Boston,are presenting their spiritual shows to audiences in new thought churches/spiritual communities across the globe.
Their are so many ways to take our creative power back. A solo show is one amazing place to begin. And just doing this level of courageous and powerful work opens many, many doors that cannot be seen until after one jumps in and takes the plunge.
Just jump. The net will appear!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Let's Not Make a Deal...Invest in yourself as an artist
People often call me and say, "I want to take your Solo Performance Bootcamp" but.... (here it comes) "I can't afford it."
In the past my response has often been "Well, we can work something out" or "I'll give you a discount, payment plan etc."
At the time I worked in this way, I thought that I was helping people. That I was giving artists the opportunity to work with me at a price they could afford. And that they would leverage my "deal" to take their career up a notch and take more ownership of themselves and their show.
In reality...not so much. People value what they pay for and this principal is no different when it comes to our art/creative process. I have noticed that the people who really take themselves and their shows seriously are willing to invest in it financially as well as emotionally and creatively.
The people who have paid me a fair chunk of money are committed. And so am I. There is a subtle difference that I notice happens for me if someone has "talked me down" It's all about energy. And, if you want my full energy, expertise as well as valuable advice and connections, from now on you will have to pay fully for it.
The people who invest in their Solo Performance Bootcamps want to get their money's worth. They have paid me, come to Santa Fe and want to see a return on their investment. They are the ones who are taking their shows on the road, getting runs at festivals, professional theaters and getting PAID runs at conferences.
So, please do not try to play "Let's Make a Deal" with me. Because I want you to succeed and I want to succeed. I want you to take yourself as a performer/speaker seriously. Invest if you want to. If you are inspired to. Your heart will guide you if this path is yours.
I can honestly tell you that I have never had one person tell me "I'm sorry I did this" Quite the opposite. The experience is ALWAYS one of power, love, adventure and on some profound level, claiming oneself.
It is a life-changing event.
And life changing events do not come at Filene's Basement's prices.
Onwards....
In the past my response has often been "Well, we can work something out" or "I'll give you a discount, payment plan etc."
At the time I worked in this way, I thought that I was helping people. That I was giving artists the opportunity to work with me at a price they could afford. And that they would leverage my "deal" to take their career up a notch and take more ownership of themselves and their show.
In reality...not so much. People value what they pay for and this principal is no different when it comes to our art/creative process. I have noticed that the people who really take themselves and their shows seriously are willing to invest in it financially as well as emotionally and creatively.
The people who have paid me a fair chunk of money are committed. And so am I. There is a subtle difference that I notice happens for me if someone has "talked me down" It's all about energy. And, if you want my full energy, expertise as well as valuable advice and connections, from now on you will have to pay fully for it.
The people who invest in their Solo Performance Bootcamps want to get their money's worth. They have paid me, come to Santa Fe and want to see a return on their investment. They are the ones who are taking their shows on the road, getting runs at festivals, professional theaters and getting PAID runs at conferences.
So, please do not try to play "Let's Make a Deal" with me. Because I want you to succeed and I want to succeed. I want you to take yourself as a performer/speaker seriously. Invest if you want to. If you are inspired to. Your heart will guide you if this path is yours.
I can honestly tell you that I have never had one person tell me "I'm sorry I did this" Quite the opposite. The experience is ALWAYS one of power, love, adventure and on some profound level, claiming oneself.
It is a life-changing event.
And life changing events do not come at Filene's Basement's prices.
Onwards....
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
“The Soul’s Journey Monologue Experience”….A New Offering
“The Soul’s Journey Monologue Experience”….A New
Offering
On
April 27 and 28, at Unity Santa Fe, I am directing and co-presenting the lovely
and inspired Sandy Alemian in her one- woman show “What Was God Thinking?”
Sandy
is the author of a book by the same name, and late last year, she flew out to
Santa Fe from Boston to work with me to adapt some of the stories from her book
into a one -woman show. Sandy’s show and book are about her journey when her precious baby daughter Talia
died at a month old and how the
subsequent grief and pain opened Sandy up spiritually to become a channel and
medium.
Sandy
is one of many people I have worked with who utilize the solo performance
vehicle as a way to share their spiritual journey with others. It is a perfect
format, and while different from the professional actor who comes to create a
character piece, if done well it can be equally potent and powerful.
My
own first show, “Honeymoon in India” really combined my two greatest passions,
solo performance and my own journey toward spiritual awakening.
The key is to do this work in an authentic, embodied and creative way. There is so much we can do to really bring a story alive, whether bringing in various characters from our journey or bringing in music, humor and irony. Even one's own most intimate journey must be shaped to serve an audience.
After
working with five clients in the last two years who have written and performed
their full- length shows about
their spiritual jouney’s I have decided to offer this as an additional option
to my Solo Performance Bootcamp. These shows have been performed at churches, at
12 step and spiritual conferences, as well as in conventional theaters. Many
conferences are now choosing the
solo show experience as an option to more traditional key-note speakers. I
think because it is a more creative and alive format and people are craving
that. A great example of this type of spiritual awakening message was embodied
by Jill Boldt Taylor who delivered part of her show “My Stroke of Insight” at a
TED conference a few years back.
I
deeply believe that now is a time when people need to hear messages of hope,
love, transformation and connection to something greater than ourselves.
This
experience will be an opportunity to deepen your own spiritual awakening, share
the story with others and offer it in community. Whether it is a once in a
lifetime experience or you are a speaker/life coach who wants to perform your
show in various venues,you will benefit yourself and others deeply.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Ego vs. Soul: Why do a Solo Show?
This is a writing exercise I give my solo students:
Write on the topic of “Why do I
want to do a one person show?”
Be willing to be ruthlessly honest with
yourself. If your motives are primarily from the ego ( wanting applause,
validation from the audience that you never got from your family, wanting for your
victim story to be cooperated, needing approval or raging out in revenge for
the injustices you’ve experienced in your life) now is the time to begin to
work with these issues to transform them. If your motives are to serve the
world through offering a story of heroism and transformation, you’re on the
right track. If your motivation is to challenge yourself to go further than
you’ve ever gone creatively and expressively, you’re on the right track. If
your motive is to shed light for the audience and inspire them in their own
growth of spirit; if your motive is to challenge denial and narcissism in our
culture through specific experiences and wisdom gained, you’re on the right. As
you can see, there are many ways to be on the right track. They all have one
thing in conmen though. They are to reach beyond the needs of your individual
self to serve a greater purpose. Basically, you want to do this to either
glorify the human spirit and explore it’s journey in overcoming obstacles or
you want to glorify your own ego’s needs. This may seem a paradox if you’re
exploring a personal story from your life. It isn’t a paradox, though. However,
it is walking the razor’s edge. Right from the start, you must be aware of the
danger of indulgence in your story. Indulgence is an over attachment to your
own suffering. Indulgance is the attachment to your own heroism. The key to a
great show is the willingness to be honest and true simply and with transparency. The opposite extreme
is under exposure. That kind of show will be dry and empty because the
individual doesn’t expose him or herself enough and there is an emptiness to
the piece. However, there is a glorious place in the middle where vulnerability
meets discernment and art is created. True art always moves beyond the individual
artist’s needs and makes an offering of some way to others. It does not matter
if others “like it” or not. What is important is the digging down into your own
soul for something true, the presenting it in a way that is specific and
unique. This is the place that you
will be striving for within your work .If you’re not on the right track, you
will begin to do Wisdom Writing in your journal on what you need to heal inside
you to remove any obstacles that are standing in the way of you offering an honest,
authentic, compelling story that includes a beginning middle and end that
explores the transformational arc of your life or the life of another (whose
character you are portraying.).
Sunday, April 15, 2012
When you feel stuck...how do you find material?
This week, I had a meeting with a prospective client. He wants to work with me and do a solo show, but was concerned that there isn't anything interesting enough about his life for him to focus a show on.
Our own literal lives are only a jumping off place in a solo show. It is not just our own experiences that make a great show. As a matter of fact, people who are complete literalists have the most boring shows generally. It takes a marriage of our inner experiences along with the outer ones while adding our own unique point of view and imagination to make a tasty stew. To make something theatrical, we need to be willing to surrender, deeply to the different aspects of our Soul and allow for the story that really wants to reveal itself to arise.
Even the late "Spalding Gray", who was a master of spinning his own life into interesting tales and is known for his autobiographical work was a storyteller at heart. In other words, he started with his life but embellished. Maybe he added some characters and changed the sequence of events and "put himself on steroids" as solo performer Tracey Erin Smith says. Which means, it is still you, but a bigger, more exaggerated version of you. Or who actually does things that you only think about in "real life".
There is a difference between emotional truth and literal truth. If, as solo artists we move toward the choice for emotional truth, the audience will take the journey along with us no matter if the story actually happened, partially happened or did not happen except in our own imaginations.
How do we explore these different ways of opening up to our own material?
1. Go back to your childhood. Write about what you really loved. For me, I remember loving being in nature, my dolls and writing poems.
How are these aspects of yourself feeding your life and creativity now? Open to exploring that energy in the present. It may hold a key to some creative openings within yourself before your life had more layers of conditioning and expectations added to it.
2. Write about an event that changed your life forever with a beginning, middle and end.
3. Think about the archetypes that live within you or that you have experienced at different times in your life. Martyr, Caregiver, Heroine, Addict, Seducer...etc. Give one of these aspects a name, for example " Marlene the Martyr" and let her speak from her Point of View....For years I have called this exercise "The Voices in My Head" and it is a great way to jumpstart your material.
4. Interview a person and ask them about the most important thing that ever happened in their life. Or a day or person that changed them. Turn this story into a character based on the interview. It is not about doing an imitation, rather it is about using someone else's story as a jumping off point for you.
5. Walk, eat good food, drink water and set aside time for your creative musings no matter what. You need this even more when you are feeling blocked than when you are flowing.
No matter what, don't ever give up on yourself or your gifts. Even if they are blocked for the moment, be willing to dive deep, take time and also play around. You will be amazed at what arises as you give yourself the time and space to go back to exploring.
Love,
Tanya
Our own literal lives are only a jumping off place in a solo show. It is not just our own experiences that make a great show. As a matter of fact, people who are complete literalists have the most boring shows generally. It takes a marriage of our inner experiences along with the outer ones while adding our own unique point of view and imagination to make a tasty stew. To make something theatrical, we need to be willing to surrender, deeply to the different aspects of our Soul and allow for the story that really wants to reveal itself to arise.
Even the late "Spalding Gray", who was a master of spinning his own life into interesting tales and is known for his autobiographical work was a storyteller at heart. In other words, he started with his life but embellished. Maybe he added some characters and changed the sequence of events and "put himself on steroids" as solo performer Tracey Erin Smith says. Which means, it is still you, but a bigger, more exaggerated version of you. Or who actually does things that you only think about in "real life".
There is a difference between emotional truth and literal truth. If, as solo artists we move toward the choice for emotional truth, the audience will take the journey along with us no matter if the story actually happened, partially happened or did not happen except in our own imaginations.
How do we explore these different ways of opening up to our own material?
1. Go back to your childhood. Write about what you really loved. For me, I remember loving being in nature, my dolls and writing poems.
How are these aspects of yourself feeding your life and creativity now? Open to exploring that energy in the present. It may hold a key to some creative openings within yourself before your life had more layers of conditioning and expectations added to it.
2. Write about an event that changed your life forever with a beginning, middle and end.
3. Think about the archetypes that live within you or that you have experienced at different times in your life. Martyr, Caregiver, Heroine, Addict, Seducer...etc. Give one of these aspects a name, for example " Marlene the Martyr" and let her speak from her Point of View....For years I have called this exercise "The Voices in My Head" and it is a great way to jumpstart your material.
4. Interview a person and ask them about the most important thing that ever happened in their life. Or a day or person that changed them. Turn this story into a character based on the interview. It is not about doing an imitation, rather it is about using someone else's story as a jumping off point for you.
5. Walk, eat good food, drink water and set aside time for your creative musings no matter what. You need this even more when you are feeling blocked than when you are flowing.
No matter what, don't ever give up on yourself or your gifts. Even if they are blocked for the moment, be willing to dive deep, take time and also play around. You will be amazed at what arises as you give yourself the time and space to go back to exploring.
Love,
Tanya
Monday, April 9, 2012
How a Loving Relationship Changes us as Solo Artists
I fell in love quite deeply and unexpectedly in the fall of my 47th year of life. That was 7 months ago.The kind of mature, sustainable, passionate relationship with another that I had always longed for, yet never fully manifested was suddenly right in my face as a viable option.
I'm pretty sure this man is my soul mate, even though, by the time he appeared, I didn't believe in soul mates anymore. I had become too jaded. We have both done a lot of deep soul cleansing work for many years, that part of soul is definitely evident in our relationship. We care for each other's souls and take care of each other in ways both large and small daily. And, effortlessly.
We've both been in varying degrees of lousy, mediocre, partially satisfying and down right abusive relationships previously. And, as two people who have a similar outlook on life; namely, that everything is an opportunity for growth, no matter how shitty it may feel at the time, we had both digested and learned a lot from the lives we had led until the moment of our cosmic collision.
Now, I have always been tenacious about my work as a writer, director, producer, facilitator and performer. No matter how difficult things are, and how long it takes, I never give up. That has been a tremendous gift in my life and I have always kept on keeping on.
However, when I was married to a narcissistic "genius" who thought his work was "important" and mine was less so (to be diplomatic) it was not such easy going. Nor was it easy when my daughter's father was having a mental breakdown while suing me for custody of her. I've walked through 2 marriages and divorces in the past twenty years and a few other challenging relationships.
During this same amount of time, I wrote and performed three original shows, acted in another ten shows, directed and produced over one hundred shows, had one book published, started a solo performance festival, worked with at least another two hundred people in writing and performing their stories, trained some other folks to do the work I do and have been developing a new therapeutic modality that utilizes personal monologues as a healing tool... while raising a daughter. Yeah, whew.
Oh, and clocked in at least $10,000 worth of therapy appointments. But like I said tenacity is a virtue of mine..but still in the face of being in less that supportive or inspiring intimate relationships, it has been HARD and EXHAUSTING privately to keep going.
Now that I am with Barry, my 64 year old double Taurus non-soul mate soul mate ,things are FLOWING....I am finally getting down to the nitty gritty of writing 2 books that have been on my to-do list, partially written for the last 2-3 years. I am opening up to greater financial support for my work by pursuing long term funding. I am offering classes and workshops to joyfully support many more in creating their own shows as well as training people to offer StoryHealers Therapeutic Monologue work.
With real love beside me, I feel limitless. I am so aware of how important this is for those of us who are risking ourselves in solo performance. I see and feel how much his unconditional support and wisdom helps me open up to be a better artist and take deeper risks.
We are really in the kind of relationship where the drama can be kept on the page and the stage. He is also a writer. How freeing this is for our creativity. This is where deep trust, a commitment to kindness and a deep desire to see the other one go as far as they can go creatively completely changes the rules of the game.
When I was pre-occupied by fears of being lovable enough, being pretty enough, wondering of my guy was being faithful on a business trip or not, trying to get my needs met (Hello! If you need to think about this, it means that they are NOT getting met!), my artist self was getting DRAINED. She was not free to completely fly.
I get very sad when I see artists give themselves away by getting involved or obsessed with a loser or abuser. I know their ability to really focus and create has just gotten diminished, even if they keep on keeping on. Like I did. For, like, ten years.
I've seen these creative u-turns, as Julia Cameron calls them, happen to many of my favorite students, clients and friends. And I have been down that road before more than once.
When you want to really go for it onstage, I mean really risk in your deepest, free-est creative being, you cannot work against a negative current in your personal life without paying a high price. We are whole beings. It is a holistic universe. All parts of ourselves are connected. Whatever your circumstances, know that your choice of partner will effect you as a writer, performer, teacher, parent and any other aspect of your life deeply and completely.
I am grateful that I left the lousy ones behind. Even when I felt like I was too old and had already had too many chances. Even when I left financial security, again...and stepped into the unknown with a child, again.
I'll never settle for anything other than mutually respectful true love. It is too good. Too important and feeds my artists's soul like nothing else. Ease is key. So I can keep the drama on the stage and the page and have my WHOLE life. I want you to have yours too.
Love=Art=Life. Make the choice to be happy and keep creating no matter what.
Love,
Tanya
I'm pretty sure this man is my soul mate, even though, by the time he appeared, I didn't believe in soul mates anymore. I had become too jaded. We have both done a lot of deep soul cleansing work for many years, that part of soul is definitely evident in our relationship. We care for each other's souls and take care of each other in ways both large and small daily. And, effortlessly.
We've both been in varying degrees of lousy, mediocre, partially satisfying and down right abusive relationships previously. And, as two people who have a similar outlook on life; namely, that everything is an opportunity for growth, no matter how shitty it may feel at the time, we had both digested and learned a lot from the lives we had led until the moment of our cosmic collision.
Now, I have always been tenacious about my work as a writer, director, producer, facilitator and performer. No matter how difficult things are, and how long it takes, I never give up. That has been a tremendous gift in my life and I have always kept on keeping on.
However, when I was married to a narcissistic "genius" who thought his work was "important" and mine was less so (to be diplomatic) it was not such easy going. Nor was it easy when my daughter's father was having a mental breakdown while suing me for custody of her. I've walked through 2 marriages and divorces in the past twenty years and a few other challenging relationships.
During this same amount of time, I wrote and performed three original shows, acted in another ten shows, directed and produced over one hundred shows, had one book published, started a solo performance festival, worked with at least another two hundred people in writing and performing their stories, trained some other folks to do the work I do and have been developing a new therapeutic modality that utilizes personal monologues as a healing tool... while raising a daughter. Yeah, whew.
Oh, and clocked in at least $10,000 worth of therapy appointments. But like I said tenacity is a virtue of mine..but still in the face of being in less that supportive or inspiring intimate relationships, it has been HARD and EXHAUSTING privately to keep going.
Now that I am with Barry, my 64 year old double Taurus non-soul mate soul mate ,things are FLOWING....I am finally getting down to the nitty gritty of writing 2 books that have been on my to-do list, partially written for the last 2-3 years. I am opening up to greater financial support for my work by pursuing long term funding. I am offering classes and workshops to joyfully support many more in creating their own shows as well as training people to offer StoryHealers Therapeutic Monologue work.
With real love beside me, I feel limitless. I am so aware of how important this is for those of us who are risking ourselves in solo performance. I see and feel how much his unconditional support and wisdom helps me open up to be a better artist and take deeper risks.
We are really in the kind of relationship where the drama can be kept on the page and the stage. He is also a writer. How freeing this is for our creativity. This is where deep trust, a commitment to kindness and a deep desire to see the other one go as far as they can go creatively completely changes the rules of the game.
When I was pre-occupied by fears of being lovable enough, being pretty enough, wondering of my guy was being faithful on a business trip or not, trying to get my needs met (Hello! If you need to think about this, it means that they are NOT getting met!), my artist self was getting DRAINED. She was not free to completely fly.
I get very sad when I see artists give themselves away by getting involved or obsessed with a loser or abuser. I know their ability to really focus and create has just gotten diminished, even if they keep on keeping on. Like I did. For, like, ten years.
I've seen these creative u-turns, as Julia Cameron calls them, happen to many of my favorite students, clients and friends. And I have been down that road before more than once.
When you want to really go for it onstage, I mean really risk in your deepest, free-est creative being, you cannot work against a negative current in your personal life without paying a high price. We are whole beings. It is a holistic universe. All parts of ourselves are connected. Whatever your circumstances, know that your choice of partner will effect you as a writer, performer, teacher, parent and any other aspect of your life deeply and completely.
I am grateful that I left the lousy ones behind. Even when I felt like I was too old and had already had too many chances. Even when I left financial security, again...and stepped into the unknown with a child, again.
I'll never settle for anything other than mutually respectful true love. It is too good. Too important and feeds my artists's soul like nothing else. Ease is key. So I can keep the drama on the stage and the page and have my WHOLE life. I want you to have yours too.
Love=Art=Life. Make the choice to be happy and keep creating no matter what.
Love,
Tanya
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)