Looking for Purpose and Meaning in Your Professional Life? Become a StoryHealers Facilitator~

Twice per year, six folks came to Santa Fe from various parts of the country and world to participate in a StoryHealers Facilitator Training.

The purpose of these trainings is to learn to facilitate others who have experienced trauma, loss, grief, transition (in short...being human) in a mini-solo performance. In a 4 day workshop, people write a ten minute monologue based on what they most essentially want to express for the purpose of healing and transformation. This story is then performed onstage to a live audience of friends, community, family members and the public.

Here is a video showcasing bits of the monologue work over the years:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC2H9rPym8

And here are clips from some of the shows:

Mary in "The Cancer Monologues 3"

Linda in "Core Witness" about her visit to Iraq as a witness for woman and children

John in "Core Witness' about his experiences as a Veteran

Abby in Mothering: The Monologues about her experiences as a lesbian mom

If you are interested in offering this theatrical/healing process in your community, please get in touch with me about the next training. My e-mail is  Tanya@ProjectLifeStories.org I have offered this work publicly and successfully to the GLBT community, to people who have experienced cancer and HIV, Veterans, new mothers, fathers, hospice caregivers, people who have experienced homelessness and many more.

Here is a short introduction written in the StoryHealers International Facilitators Training Guide:

From me, the  founder of the Therapeutic Monologue Process:

This process is not mine. It was given to me, through me, by something greater than me. Alongside the birth of my child, it has been the greatest miracle in my life. To know ones purpose is a great gift and I do not take it lightly.

 I have been working at catching up to it for the last thirteen years. It came to me in a dream, after praying that my life’s purpose be revealed. It arrived complete with a vision and steps to take and I knew what do and how to implement it right from the start.

Oh, if only the journey had stayed so simple!  Over time, the process  has demanded that I look at every wound I had been carrying, every false belief, every trauma, every character flaw in myself and open to it’s healing.

The process has demanded that I become a person worthy of this process. That I learn how to walk in balance and integrity. I’ve had to learn to have clear boundaries and keep an open heart when my tendency would be to judge, take shortcuts or blame others.

Does this mean I am a perfect person now? Does this mean you will have to become one to facilitate the work effectively? Do we have to become  saints or bodhisattvas? Guru’s?

No, no and no some more! We can be human and imperfect while always striving to be a bit more compassionate, a bit of a better listener, a bit more creatively plugged into all of the Universe.

But this process, followed in earnest will teach you quite a bit about yourself. And the people who you work with will give you more in return than you can ever thank them for.

If I can ask one thing of you right from the start, above all remember this:

Stay in service to the people you are facilitating. Breathe often. Keep an open heart. Keep checking inside yourself to make sure you are present.

Because your presence is not only enough, it is actually everything. Be who you already are. Full presence, here to serve others in their authentic expression. If you can do this, everything else will fall into place.

I wish you all the very best that this creative and serving path can offer.

Tanya Taylor Rubinstein

StoryHealing, Narcissism and Ending the Victim/Perpetrator Paradigm~

StoryHealing, Narcissism and the Ending the Victim/Perpetrator Paradigm.

For the past 14 years or so, I have been at the forefront of an exploration of consciousness that has involved story writing and telling onstage and the effects this has on trauma, life challenges and the experience of illness.

What I have found in hundreds of workshops and monologue performances is probably what many other type of therapeutic and spiritual process's have identified. I have gotten to see it and feel it not in theory, but in practice. Here is my big revelation:

There are essentially two types of ways people experience their own stories. One way, the most common way, is through a lens of victimization and perpetration.  These people are attached to seeing themselves as special. Not one of the human race with the vast and infinite experience of all that is. Not one of the many who are dealing with the challenge of being alive and all that comes with it; loss, pain, health challenges, family trauma and the existential grief that accompanies the experience of being human. These people are stuck in the loop of their story that “I am a victim…my worst is worse than your worst. I am so special in my suffering, this happened to me and it is so bad and I did not deserve it”

And more challenging than this is that many of them turn around and one way or another use their suffering as a justification to act out on others with anger, rage or betrayal. The story goes “ I deserve it or I am entitled to this acting out because I have suffered”

Now here is the kicker to all of this. In my hundreds of workings with people and their traumas and their stories; it is almost more often than not, the people who have the more minor diagnosis or who have much greater financial resources or who have more opportunities to heal that are the ones stuck in the victim/perpetrator paradigm.

The people I have worked with who have suffered with the most extreme cancer diagnosis and are close to death, the homeless woman with her four children from Mexico, the veteran who has lost a child from his own exposure to depleted uranium. The ones with real “reason” according to worldly standards to bemoan their fate, offer clear and heartfelt stories that do not include feeling sorry for themselves. These are the people who stand up and take what life has offered them and find gratitude for whatever life gives them this day. Who truly offer wisdom and insight from the place of deep humanity and humility.

I have offered a space for many people to share their stories over the years, but these memorable resilient ones have been my teachers.

Years ago, I had the excellent fortune to sit with two guru type teachers who basically told me to get over myself. They said (or the way I heard them) was that service is the way to enlightenment. And that trust/faith coupled with a commitment to kindness is the only road to take towards happiness on this planet. Lastly, to know that yes, I am valuable. But not more (or less) valuable than any other person on earth. One of billions.  Showing up and living.That is all.

Wow; years later I see these teachings and lessons manifested in my work. And beyond it, I see it manifested on the planet.

I really no longer find the east coast neurotic brand of comedy that I grew up with funny. I am so over narcissism and it’s accompanying cleverness, whether it is offered by Woody Allen or Jerry Seinfeld. Over-indulgent “artists” who only work for their own right to “express” themselves are of no interest to me (truly, I lived with one). True artists who move beyond ego- based cleverness to a deep sharing from the Soul, whether pathos or comedic are of great interest and in deep service inspiring others.

As storytellers, healers or artists if our work is not done in the Spirit of service, what point is it? In the face of all that is happening on the planet, personally, I am so over narcissism. The world faces enormous challenges. Each of us faces enormous challenges. Honesty and authenticity are the way out of the loop. As are kindness and a well developed ability to set our own "limited" story aside to show up for others with good-will and a basic sense of caring.

Oh, and did I mention courage? Courage to let it go. Courage to make it not all about you. Courage to get over yourself and your triggers. At some point, don’t we just have to let them drop and say “enough”? Personally, I find people’s triggers, my own and others so boring. Jeez, show some strength of character. It is not all so damn precious.

I’ve led workshops where people’s legs have been blown off at the age of eighteen, where people in hospice are looking at how they will say good-bye to their Beloved daughter, where people live in places like Gaza which is essentially a dangerous, oppressed illegal holding tank for humans. A place where a young Palestinian girl just wants to be allowed to leave for college, a home, a normal life elsewhere but is forbidden.

You are I are blessed. If you are reading this, I know you and I know that you are blessed. You are American or Canadian or European. You have a computer. You have access to money and clean water. You have food and shelter. So, get over it. That is the real invitation. For all of us, myself included.

Stop indulging your story. Tell the truth. You are more than that victim story. You are free. You are freedom Herself.

I am so very grateful to those who rise above their own circumstances and triggers to show me a different perspective.

This week I moved into a new house with a second floor from which we can see the top of the trees. It was a great reminder that I cannot always see the bigger picture but if I can pause, I can get a view above the trees. Not on the ground running in small circles, limited in vision and scope.

Sometimes I just want to yell at the top of my lungs years something said to me years  ago by the teacher Gangaji “ Neither indulge your emotions nor deny them” Sometime I want to yell it to myself (and do!) and sometimes to others.

Think about that for a moment. Neither indulge nor deny. To me this is just meeting life on life’s terms allowing ourselves to be human and alive. Yes, we feel. But feeling is only the tip of the iceberg.

And the story is just a story and it too is always changing. That is the cycle of it all. And if you can go inside and check for one moment and find that you are bigger than your story, then the neurotic, damaging and unproductive narcissism fed to us by family and culture will recede into the background for good.

And then, you’ll have a real story to tell~

Lauren Weedman the Great! A Solo Performer's Performer...

Lauren Weedman is a funny, funny woman. She's also whip smart and insightful.

Last year I produced one of her shows out here in Santa Fe for a few nights. Her show was called "No, You Shut Up" and the audience(including me) was laughing so hard that we could hardly catch our breath.

This summer she is doing her new show up in Portland that has been commissioned by a Rep Theater. I think it's her 9th show or 10th.

In a perfect world, Lauren Weedman would be more famous than Louis CK and the like. But we don't live in a perfect world. But here she is in all her glory in a clip from one of her shows "BUST"

Why a Solo Show is Great for Business (even if you're not an actor!)

People come to me to do one person shows for many diverse reasons. I notice that different kinds of people come to me in waves.


Because I have been doing this work for so long, I have had waves of people doing solo shows for various reasons.

In the beginning and because of my own training I suppose, I almost got actors exclusively as clients. And there are still many many actors who have become aware of the fact that solo performance is an empowering way to showcase ones' talents. This is one of the reasons why Fringe Festivals and Solo Performance festivals are popping up all over the globe. Solo Performance IS the new paradigm of theater and the fastest growing in the world.

Because I live in Santa Fe, not NYC, LA or San Francisco , I get a unique cross-section of non-actors who are driven by alternative reasons for wanting to find a specific and powerful expression for creating and performing a show. Many are woman who want to feel their voice is being heard in a deep and creative way in the world.

In the last ten years I have worked with a shaman who wanted to express her spiritual journey, a former sex worker who was now a therapist, many business people and several cultural creatives doing interesting projects in alternative markets.

When people tell an interesting and powerful story in this forum, huge amounts of energy get stirred up. It's why I tell people it is a shamanic process. You literally cannot offer a show onstage to a community of people and not change and be changed.

It is a great way for like-minded people and people who can benefit from your business services to find their way to you.

I must say that particularly for people who do work with people; therapists, teachers, healers of one kind or another..the balance of sharing one's own story onstage attracts business.

It is a new paradigm. In a way, it is exactly how my path has played out. From solo performer, to teacher/facilitator to healer/director. It has all been how my brand has been formed. Not in a contrived way, but in a very organic way.

Solo shows are a wonderful, expressive and fun way to connect with your natural clients. It is putting yourself out there in a HUGE way.

And so the form continues to morph and expand....


Happy Spring to All! Love, Tanya

Monologues to Change the World/ Israeli and Palestinian Peace Monologues

I am very excited that I have hired Bruce MacIntosh to help me by organizing and posting all my videos from shows over the last ten-twelve years.

Yesterday, he put up about 24 videos from 2 shows I did with young woman from Israel and Palestine at a peace camp. Each one tells their powerful and true story.

We worked with these girls writing and performing their monologues in 3 languages (Hebrew, Arabic, English) in 3 days. Yes, from the time they sat down to create their monologues til the time they stood in front of packed audiences here in Santa Fe, we had three days to facilitate this.

It was wild and amazing and ultimately very empowering for the girls, many who stated on their camp forms that standing onstage with "the enemy", being deeply heard, receiving flowers and standing ovations together was the highlight of their time in the US.

Please check out the videos below as a sampling of the work.

On this same You Tube channel (Tanya Rubinstein) you can sit back and listen to some powerful stories from the heart of Jerusalem and Gaza.

This December I will be traveling to do monologues with this same population of people on the soil of the conflict...in Israel and Palestine.

What Makes a Great Therapeutic Monologue Facilitator?

As many people are expressing interest in training in the Therapeutic Monologue Process I offer, I thought I'd write a bit about what it takes to be a great facilitator in this work.

Successful facilitators need to do a great deal of preparation in order to facilitate the process. The first step is going through the process of writing and performing a therapeutic monologue in front of an audience. No one who has not walked through the process themselves has the “inner authority” to facilitate in my opinion, even if, as a therapist or other healing professional, they have the ability to hold space for others. Then, they need to facilitate a group under supervision and receive detailed feedback about their in the moment relationship to the participants and their stories. In an ideal world, the facilitators would have a strong background in acting/solo performance themselves, personal writing, be trained as a therapist as well as having a direct experience with their own Divine Nature. That, however would be an unusual person. All people I have trained as facilitators who are attracted to this work have at least some of these qualities or backgrounds. It is also possible and quite desirable to have two facilitators working together, one with more of a writing/theater background and one with more or a therapeutic background to collaborate. Knowing or having touched one’s own Divine nature supersedes the rest of the qualities. This direct experience prepares the facilitator to not buy into the victim or perpetrator story. This background allows the facilitator to sit and listen deeply and open heartedly yet without painful attachment  to people’s traumatic experiences which may include everything from rape to wartime experience to the loss of a child. It does not make the facilitator callus, but rather compassionate. This is not about dogma or imposing any belief systems on the group. Rather, it is simply the faith in knowing that something bigger than oneself is holding the energy of the group. From this place of deep knowing, an infinite container is created that can hold and transform any story from pain to wisdom, trauma to acceptance . This ability to create this container from a place of spiritual knowing is the facilitators greatest asset and indeed a necessity to do the deepest level of healing work.

December 2012, Meeting My Own Father...for the First Time

Dec. 2012
Washington DC
The Cheesecake Factory/Connecticuit Avenue, not far from the White House


My fifteen year old daughter and I emerge from the subway station. It's a snowy gray day, a few days after Christmas and we've come down to the city from the Maryland suburbs where I grew up.

"Are you o.k, Mom?" Chloe asks me in a concerned voice.

"Fine." I reply "No big deal."

When I say it, I think I mean it. Even though my stomach is flipping over in somersaults and my hands are clammy.

No. Big. Deal.

We are going to meet my father. It will be the first time in my life that my father and I will be sharing air space, a table and breakfast with this man who is responsible for my existence in this world.

It will be the first time my daughter will meet her seventy four year old grandfather.

No biggie.

We arrive at the restaurant. He is standing, tall and lanky with a head of white hair near the entrance.

"Tanya?" he asks quietly.

"Yes."

He goes to shake my hand. I lean in and give him an awkward half hug.

We step back.

"This is Chloe. Your granddaughter"

"Chloe." He repeats after me. "Chloe, I've brought you some gifts. They were my mother's"

The hostess leads us to a table next to the large clear window at the front of the restaurant. The sidewalks are empty on this cold Saturday morning a few days after Christmas.

The waitress brings us three plastic sleeved menus. I cannot focus on mine and the pages of choices. Instantly I decide on a cheese omlette.I peek up and look at him from behind the menu. There is a slight resemblance, but it is not overt, at least to me. I peer again as he offers Chloe books from the thirties including a copy of "The House at Pooh Corner"

There are no tears. No overt displays of emotion. There is a familiarity but I can't place it.

Within a few minutes we are settled into a fairly comfortable level of conversation. He says a few things that annoy me. We take pictures together. I tease him and tell him that he is not photogenic.

He walks us all over DC after breakfast and shows us spots that are meaningful to him; a square where he saw Martin Luther King give an impromptu speech. A converted carriage house where Jackie Kennedy Onassis lived for a while after JFK was shot, the building where his father, an artist, designed stamps for the government. The Starbucks where he gets a piece of coffeecake everyday on his way to his sales job at Macy's.

We walk together in the cold to see the National Christmas Tree for another hour or so. By then it is time to get on the train and go back to my mother's house in Frederick, before we depart for New Mexico in the morning.

My father takes us back to the subway and rides two stops with us before he gets off and walks back to his apartment.

As he is standing by the doors which are about to open, he turns his head and looks back at us to wave. I suddenly remember where I've seen him before.

He is  me, age five crying on the stairs because I don't believe my mother loves me.

He is  me, age fourteen, anguished and bereft at the loss of my grandfather.

He is me,  age seven who writes poetry and slips it under my family's bedroom doors as presents.

He is me, who has the messiest desk in her third grade classroom with papers  strewn around it, on the floor.

He is me who has been told, at various times in my life, both with admiration and disgust that I march to the beat of my own drummer.

In the last moments with my father, I see my own life-long acute sensitivity mirrored in his kind blue eyes.

The same blue eyes that look out in every one of my elementary school photos.

Blue eyes that do not relate so much to my mother's pro-active, take the bull by the horns approach to life.

Blue eyes that wonder why it hurts me so much when the teacher yells at my friend.

Blue eyes that are wide and scared and wonder why the world feels so lonely.

There he is. And he is me.

Yeah, no big deal.